I Put Myself Through Anger Hell at Work So You Don't Have To
A 6-Step Anger Firewall to responding strategically instead of responding stupid.
Sunday early afternoon. I’d just had lunch with my wife and kids and was getting comfy to watch the Hungarian F1 race.
Then my phone buzzes with that special kind of work message that makes your eye twitch:
"Something's broken, need help ASAP." Fine. Just one more normal Sunday in tech. All good.
But then comes the reply-all email from Guy #2 (who implemented it) that makes my blood pressure spike: "That's not my responsibility. Renato should check/fix ASAP."
Now I'm seeing red.
Here's the problem: I'd explained this exact implementation to this exact guy twice. The last time was literally last Wednesday. We screen-shared for 10 minutes. He ended the call with "You've helped me so much, thanks!"
So I dig into the problem. And surprise, surprise: the error happened because Mr. "Not My Responsibility" didn't implement something according to spec.
A mandatory field that was being delivered empty. Basic stuff. I reply with my findings and a fix recommendation. Factual. Mistakes happen. Move on.
Then my client, frustrated (understandably) starts questioning me whether my original implementation that preceded the current faulty one even worked. Whether I'd tested anything.
I send screenshots proving it worked fine. Explain that the error only happens when users skip a field that should be required.
Then comes the final drop of water that overflows the bucket: My client says Guy #2 told him he "almost didn't have any information about the implementation" and would "find a solution later."
I. Lost. My. Shit.
I don't react smoothly to people running away from their responsibilities. It's one of the very few things that throw me really off balance.
Next thing was a huge rant from me making it clear that I would only work with traceable information from now on because I wasn’t willing to take the bullet for other people’s mistakes, especially ones I explained to them in advance.
I was quite angry about being thrown under the bus after explaining not once, but twice, what he had to do.
My client's response was the digital equivalent of patting me on the head. “Let's all calm down. It’s not bad and not a problem at all. Thanks”.
I closed my laptop and walked away. Because if I'd typed another word, it wouldn't have been pretty.
My Personal Post-Mortem
I was right from a technical standpoint. The timeline was accurate. The blame-shifting was real. The lying about "no information" was bullshit.
But I was also strategically stupid.
I let anger take the wheel, and now I'm the guy who "needs to calm down" instead of being the guy who catches problems and fixes them.
Thinking in retrospect, I get what happened. I'm the guy who coordinates solutions to problems. I'm the one always cleaning after people's messes.
That's why my customer pinged me. He needed a solution, and he knew that the fastest way to get one was through me. And he got one.
But I was caught off-guard, on a Sunday, by someone else trying to make me a scapegoat to his own mistakes, and that pushed my buttons further than it would have in other scenarios.
I could simply have started applying my rules from now on, instead of sending the angry message. That didn’t really add anything positive to the situation. On the contrary, it put me in a worse position to implement my own processes. Now I’ll have more work to get it done.
I should have gone punch a sand bag, run around the block, play a game to blow off steam instead.
So I built something to prevent this from happening again. Because getting angry at work is inevitable. Getting stupid about it isn't.
The Anger Firewall
Purpose: Stop yourself from going ballistic while still dealing with what got you angry.
Step 1: Immediate Containment (5-10 minutes)
Stop responding. No email, Slack, or comments.
Get physical. Walk away from your desk. Stand, stretch, step outside.
Dump it. Come back and write exactly what you want to say in a private doc. Uncensored. Then delete it.
Goal: Remove raw emotion from the front line.
Step 2: Identify the Trigger (5 minutes) What exactly triggered you?
Was it what they said, how they said it, or what it implies about you/your work?
Is it a one-off or a repeated pattern?
Quick template: "I'm angry because I feel ___ due to ___."
Step 3: Time Buffer (30-60 minutes)
Do another task, make coffee, write down priorities for the day. Go walk the dog.
If still angry after 60 minutes, re-read what happened. If anger dropped by half, handle it calmly.
If not, extend buffer. Wait at least another 60 minutes, then check again.
Step 4: Choose Your Response Mode (but don't respond yet) (2 minutes)
Ignore – If it's one-off and minor or likely to fade, let it go.
Address directly – If its a pattern or affects your work or respect, it needs a response.
Escalate – If it breaks policy, safety, or ethics.
Rule: Never pick response mode while adrenaline is high.
Step 5: Clean Communication (if addressing needed)
Use "I" language, not accusations:
"I noticed X happened, and it impacted me because Y. Can we align on Z?"
Stick to facts and impact, no emotion dump.
Step 6: Post-Action Check
Did this solve the actual problem or just express anger? Take note of what worked and what didn’t.
Is there a pattern?
If yes, consider a long-term system change.
The Truth Behind the Anger
Here's the reflective prompt that cuts through everything: "Is this anger about them, or about what I allowed?"
Because most workplace rage isn't only about incompetent colleagues or lying teammates. It's about boundaries you didn't set, expectations you didn't manage, or patterns you didn't interrupt early enough.
My Sunday meltdown wasn't only about Guy #2's bullshit. It was also about me accepting "quick calls" instead of requiring documentation.
About not creating paper trails from day one.
About letting someone waste my time twice before demanding accountability.
Ultimately, it was about allowing someone to pull the rug from under my feet. I cannot control what people are going to say or how they are going to act, but I can control how I protect myself from that in advance.
The New Rule
I don't respond in anger; I respond tactically.
This sentence is pinned to my dashboard now. A one-line trigger reminder for the next time someone tries to throw me under the bus for their fuckup.
Because there will be a next time. There always is.
The difference is now I'll respond smart instead of responding angry.
And trust me: smart fights are the ones you actually win.
What's your anger trigger at work? What system do you have to handle it before it handles you?
Happy Building,
-R.